Bourgie Trends: Coconut Water

Recently, I took a trip down to South Beach to visit a friend. While there, I discovered that I was the only person in the city who hadn't tried the latest in beverage trends: coconut water.

There are many claims that coconut water is the latest and greatest thing to drink. Some say you should substitute it for sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade, as it is high in electrolytes. Others say that there are no benefits to drinking it, and that you're better off just drinking water.

(See the video below for a few quick facts about coconut water.)

Regardless, I decided to give it a try. I tried the Zico brand, and I have one thing to say: blech! It was so gross! To me, it tasted like someone walked around Target barefoot for 3 hours, then stuck their big toe in my water. FOUL! Perhaps it was the brand? Maybe all coconut water tastes that way? To all of you coconut water drinkers out there: Is there a trick to drinking this stuff and enjoying it?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Bourgie Song of the Week: Fashion by Lady Gaga

This is old, but it's still bourgie. Enjoy!

You Know You're Bourgie When...

...you've been invited to a ball or gala.

First, you have to thank the person who invited you. Not everyone gets to go to these uber bourgie events. Some people don't know how to act or dress for a fancy night out, so you should be honored that someone thought you could carry yourself appropriately.

Secondly, you need to make sure you are dressed appropriately. Find out the dress code. If it is black tie, you better make sure you are in black tie! For the fellahs, that means (gasp!) a tuxedo! If you don't own one (though every bourgie man should), you can always rent one. I'm not much of a fan of renting clothes, but there are very classy ways of doing so. If you are a gentleman who anticipates attending many black tie events over the course of a few years, you should definitely invest in a tux. Why rent when you can own? If you're a lady, you need to make sure you are AT LEAST in cocktail attire (unless there is any indication that this is improper for your event). "Black tie optional" typically means that it is a slightly more lenient dress code, thus enabling you to wear a cocktail dress.

Make sure you don't drink too much; you do not want to be known as the hot mess at the ball. If it is cash bar, you're probably less likely to be getting krunk anyway (hey, drinks at these events are not cheap). If it's open bar, that does not grant you permission to get sauced. Seriously.

Socialize, socialize, socialize! These events are typically great networking opportunities. If you don't know anyone besides your date, make sure you socialize with the other folks at your table (if you have one - though you probably will) at the very least. If you recognize others in the room, make it a point to talk to them. Don't hide!

Keep your phone on silent! I cannot begin to tell you how embarrassing it is for everyone if your phone goes off during an award acceptance speech. Rude! And that also means no tweeting during the event. Double rude!

Know what the event is all about. Even if you don't know anybody in the room, you should be able to speak intelligently about the event you're intending.

Have fun! It's not every day that you get to get all Cinderella/Prince Charming-ed out.

Look fierce. Be fierce. WERK.

You Know You're Bourgie When...

... you say things like this:

"OMG! I would kill myself if I had to shop at David's Bridal! They have like one [crappy] Vera Wang collection."

Tick Tock: The Bourgie Watch Hunt Begins

A year older, a year bourgier -- that's how I see my upcoming birthday...

As a gift to myself (who says you can't buy yourself a gift?), I am looking into purchasing a nice "grown-up" watch. Not too fond of leather straps, I have been looking into several styles of watches by various designers/manufacturers. So far, I have come up with a list of a few likes and dislikes:

Likes
Rose Gold - The color is just perfect for me!
Ceramic
Bling - A bourgie girl without bling is like a zebra without fierce stripes.
Medium-sized faces

Dislikes
Silver - Color looks good on some people, but it is dreadful on me!
NFL Linebacker-sized faces
Blong - When the bling doesn't bling like it's supposed to.
Boyfriend watches - My wrist is just too small for this foolishness. (Plus, how can a single lady wear a "boyrfriend" watch. That's just not right.)

One thing I learned from a sales associate at the Michael Kors in The Mall in Columbia is that Michael Kors watches are manufactured by Fossil - as are DKNY and a number of other designer watches. What does this mean? You are getting the same quality watch at all of the stores, you're just paying upwards of $100 extra for the designer's name! Even more interesting is that Fossil has way more options, and their warranty is incredible (11 years!!).

When choosing a watch, it is important to see how it will look on your wrist. You may love silver, but silver may not love your skin tone. Rose gold was the most flattering for my complexion, but what works for me may not work for you. Also, don't be afraid to try on some that you may not exactly be in love with. You never know how they'll look on your wrist!

*Get Your Bourgie Up mini lesson: Before going into the store, make sure you know how to put on a watch. I know that sounds like common sense, but bourgie watches don't work the same way regular old watches do. If you've never tried on a watch, just go to the store, put on your best bourgie face, and politely ask the sales associate to help you try on some different watches. When you try them on, male sure you ask them if they remove links on site. (This can be a real pain if you don't get it taken care of while you're shopping.) Most places will remove the links for free, and they'll give you the removed links when they're done.*

Make sure you check out a variety of stores/websites before making your final decision. Different stores have different prices, and you want to get the best product AND warranty for your $$. You're going to want to try to product on before you purchase it, so please be careful before ordering online! You also want to make sure you understand how to change the time, date, and any other features your watch might have. (Most "grown-up" watches don't come with instructions!)

I can't wait to buy my watch! If you're hunting for watches, let me know what some of the things are YOU look for.

Happy watch hunting!

A little bonus, for my bourgie nerds out there: The History of Wrist Watches

Bourgie Song of the Week: Whitney Houston, I WIll Always Love You

Rest in Peace, Whitney Houston

You Know You're Bourgie When...

...you don't cry over spilled milk - you cry over spilled Moroccan oil.

Fragrance Madness: Round One - Juicy vs Poppy Flower

The Contenders:

Juicy Couture (Original)

vs

Coach Poppy Flower

Fragrance Notes:

Coach Poppy Flower

• According to the booklet accompanying the gift set, this fragrance smells like blah blah blah blah blah. They list over 10 things. It's really ridiculous. The few that stand out: Apricot skin, wet ivy, lychee, sugared raspberry, and jasmine petals. The only thing more complicated than this long, drawn-out description is the hat the model is wearing in the accompanying picture.

Juicy Couture

• Tuberose, princess lily and caramel creme brulee. Aside from the fact that it simultaneously sounds delicious and feminine, the description alone puts it ahead of it's competitor. (I love me some tuberose.) Sephora describes the woman who would wear this as "flirtatious, charming, decadent, irreverent." 

What You Get:

Juicy Couture - a 1.0 oz of Eau de Parfum Spray

Coach Poppy Flower - a 1.0 oz of the Eau de Parfum Spray

My Bourgie Review:

Coach Poppy Flower

This fragrance is much too sweet. When I originally sprayed it on my wrists, the scent overpowered the room. Smelling it again today was even worse than two weeks ago! The fragrance is layered with fruits and florals, sweet on top of sweet, and is headache inducing. I tried to give it an hour. Two hours. Three hours. It really only got worse. I had to wash it off!

The description states, "The Coach Poppy Flower woman is a sophisticated romantic. She is fashion-driven with a youthful spirit and is never afraid to express her personal style." Translation: She is an old lady who is desperately holding onto her youth by attending various free local music festivals and twirling around drunkenly. You know the one.

Score: One sniff  

Juicy Couture

When I first saw this was in the box, I admit - I was a little disappointed. I see Juicy Couture everything EVERYWHERE! I thought it could not possibly smell good. I figured it would smell like one of those Victoria's Secret scents that smells like a Bath & Body Works scent. (I refuse to refer to these smells as fragrances. Refuse.) I sprayed it on, and was originally underwhelmed. I didn't get a headache or feel the urge to dry heave as I did with the Poppy Flower, but it didn't blow me away. Then, after about 30 minutes, the fragrance really started to gain some character. By the end of the day, I loved it!

This fragrance is simple and perfect for everyday wear. It's not overpowering, so the beauty is in the subtlety. 

Score: Four sprays and a trip to T.J. MAXX*

Winner:

This was a pretty simple decision. Juicy made me want to go out and buy a bottle (which I did). Poppy Flower made me want to take a shower and an aspirin.

Juicy Couture advances to Round 2 in Fragrance Madness!

*Umm, hello? The T.J. Maxx near me was selling the 1.0 oz of eau de parfum for $29.99. Nordstrom is selling the same fragrance (but a 1.7 oz) for $69. You could buy two from T.J. Maxx and still pay less! And I see you over there turning your nose up at T.J.'s. Someone needs to take some lessons on being bourgie on a budget.

Fragrance Madness!

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I spent the last two weeks trying out the 12 fragrances in my Sephora Fragrance Sampler. (As I've noted in past posts, it's important to sample a fragrance for at least a few hours before deciding that you like/dislike it.) Clearly, my nose is both indecisive and bourgie, and so I have not reached a final decision. Let's see... 12 is an even number... I need to eliminate fragrances I don't like... FRAGRANCE MADNESS!


What I will do is sample the fragrances again, and eliminate the ones I dislike until I pick the one that I want to redeem for the full-sized version. Here's where I need your help: If you think I've made a bad decision, or you think that a certain designer has a better version of a certain fragrance, tell me in the comments!

Bourgie Song of the Week: Glamorous

Nothing says "bourgie" like having your driver take you to the Taco Bell drive-thru.